Worrying you don’t have the right qualities of a mother? Scared you may be screwing the entire thing up? It’s common for moms to feel that way….at least one time or another. If most of us are honest, we may say we feel like we are failing our kids weekly, or even daily.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, mama. The fact is you aren’t messing up as much as you think. It helps to have a handful of the important qualities of a good mother. But, your kids will likely turn out just fine even if you make mistakes or have to develop these skills as they grow.
What if I don’t have ALL the right traits?
Again, don’t worry! All of the qualities of a mother can be learned over time, if you make a conscious effort of it. Just put them into practice and you will see the difference they make in your relationship with your children.
Still, you probably already have more of these characteristics than you may realize.
As moms, we are definitely our own worst critics!
15 Important Qualities of a Mother
Patience is definitely something that all moms need to have. As soon as they are born, your children will be testing your ability to stay calm and not lose your cool. Babies are 100% dependent on you. Toddlers test your limits to see how much they can get away with. As they get older, your kids will continue to drive you crazy, whether intentional or not.
You must develop a tolerance for needy, testy, cranky, ill, or bored behaviors. Don’t be afraid to take a short break from your children when you feel your patience being tested. Even just counting to 10 in your mind before you speak can help you hold onto the calmness needed to parent effectively.
Affectionate / Loving
Children must know they are loved. One of the most essential qualities of a mother is to show your kids that you love, care for, and are proud of them. This can be shown through hugs, kisses, pats on the back, high fives – whatever the occasion calls for.
Many studies have shown that affection from parents to their children offers several benefits including:
- Higher self-esteem
- Improved academic performance
- Better parent-child communication
- Fewer psychological and behavior problems
- Emotionally happier in adulthood
Remember to hug your children daily, if not multiple times a day. Doing it at certain times of the day, such as when they leave for school, when you/they return home, and at bedtime, can help make sure you never forget!
Your child will depend on you for all the basic needs and then some. Make sure you provide food, clothing, and shelter, as well as emotional support.
To keep them happy, it’s also a good idea to indulge in their wants every now and then – because we all like to get things we like and enjoy, right?
Make sure your child is always well taken care of. Encourage him to become the person he wants to be. Motivate him on days that he struggles and praise him when he’s done a great job in school, sports, or other areas.
Of course, it always helps to nurture yourself with self care too!
No one is perfect, and you can’t expect your children to go up to be exactly what you want them to be. They will make mistakes, just as we do. Learning to be forgiving of their errors will not only support a great relationship for you and them, but will also make them more tolerant of others.
Apologize for your own mistakes, so that your children learn to own their behavior. Set a good example so that why can learn to be forgiving to themselves and others. Parents don’t always have to be right, and accepting and owning that you are wrong will help reduce power struggles and arguments with your kids.
While you always want to be responsive and nurturing to your children, you cannot overlook authoritative as one of the most important qualities of a mother.
At the end of the day, you are not your child’s best friend. You are the one that must set boundaries and follow through with any discipline that comes when they disobey or break a rule.
Give your children clear boundaries, rules, and expectations throughout their childhood. They need to know what kinds of behaviors you expect from them. Be consistent in your rules and always follow through with discipline so they don’t get confused about your expectations.
Just because you are the parent doesn’t mean you automatically get respect. This isn’t an inherit trait, but one you teach your kids through modeling. If you want them to be respectful to you and others, show them how it’s done.
Appreciate that they are individuals and have wants and needs just like you. They aren’t merely an extension or byproduct of you and their father. Give them space to enjoy their own hobbies and interests, and let them have their own likes and dislikes.
Merriam-Webster defines empathy as:
the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another
Stopping to think about why your child feels or behaves a certain way allows you to empathize with him. Rather than launching right into an upset frenzy and giving a punishment, empathy puts you in his shoes so you can see WHY he acted the way he did.
With this knowledge, you can help him through the situation. This understanding and assistance will always go further for your child than discipline alone. You should still be authoritative and consistent with discipline, but getting to the root cause of a behavior can prevent it from happening again.
No matter how difficult parenting gets, one of the vital qualities of a mother is remaining positive. For one, a positive mindset allows you to deal with things in a better light. Rather than getting upset and immediately criticizing your child, you can give a punishment with the idea that the behavior will not continue.
Being positive also helps your child be the same way. They are less likely to think about themselves, you, or the world in a negative light if they are surrounded by positivity.
These daily affirmations for kids will also help them be more positive!
Flying by the seat of your pants won’t work as a mother. You need to try to organize your life, your children’s lives, and your home as much as you can for things to run smoothly.
Keep a schedule written out with weekly plans, doctor’s appointments, practices, games, school events, and whatever else is going on with your family. Use a planner or the calendar app on your phone – whichever works best for you.
Avoid overbooking yourself or your kids. Life can get stressful fast if you have too many responsibilities. The schedule tells you what’s going on each day so you don’t book your family for too much.
At home, give everything a place and teach your children that everything needs to be put back in it’s “home” when they are finished with it. This makes busy days easier, since no one is running around looking for backpacks, shoes, and other necessities.
If there’s one thing you need to learn about being a mom, it’s that you MUST be flexible. Things happen, emergencies will arise. Our kids will test us and push buttons and drive us wild. Even the best laid plans can get interrupted or completely destroyed.
However, being flexible helps you take things as they come, and with a cool head. Learn to deal with situations one at a time, finding the best solution for each – even if it’s not what you originally had in mind.
Sometimes, being a mom requires fast thinking and “outside the box” solutions to problems. Our children look at us to keep them safe and happy. We must be resourceful to come through for them, no matter how unexpected or crazy life gets.
Being resourceful can include finding emergency childcare on days when your kids are sick and you cannot take off work. Another example is last minute changes to plans due to illness or bad weather.
Parents should always be the greatest support system for children. Your kids need to know they can turn to you when something bad happens, even if it’s their own mistakes. The same can be said for their hobbies, personalities, or interests – even if they don’t align with yours.
Showing support for your children all the time, especially when they need it most, is a great way to maintain a good relationship with them. And they can grow up to be happier since they can be their true selves.
Stay involved with their lives as they age, attending games, concerts, and other events they enjoy. Allow them to try new hobbies and interests to find what sparks joy inside their little hearts. Keep an open mind and an open line of communication with your kids so they always feel you have their backs.
Being a good mother can get tough as your children grow. You may have to experience injuries, childhood diseases, or seeing your child get bullied at school. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart, which is why remaining brave through it all is one of the most essential qualities of a mother.
When it’s really tough to be strong, you must be brave and push through the situation for your child. She needs to know you are there for her and can help guide her through difficult times.
Provide her with comfort and let her know that you are always be her constant in an ever-changing world.
Conclusion: Qualities of a Mother
As you can see, there are many skills you need to be a good mom. Your kids will change you for the better, and also present you with struggles you may never have experienced before. With the right traits, your children will grow to be happy, healthy, and productive adults!